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ipaddressjokes [23/12/2024 12:29] – created andrewipaddressjokes [20/05/2025 15:04] (current) – andrew
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 A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says "I want a beer", barman says "you want a beer?" and tcp packet says "yes, a beer". A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says "I want a beer", barman says "you want a beer?" and tcp packet says "yes, a beer".
  
 +</code>
 +<code>
 In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake. In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.
  
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 The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet. The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.
 +</code> 
 +<code>
 I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted. I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.
  
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 The problem with IPv6 jokes is that they're hard to remember The problem with IPv6 jokes is that they're hard to remember
  
-DHCP jokes are leased.+</code> 
 +<code>
  
 I'm a DHCP server at a local restaurant. This chick came up and asked me for my address, and I told her she was out of my scope. I'm a DHCP server at a local restaurant. This chick came up and asked me for my address, and I told her she was out of my scope.
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 I like ARP jokes, because it's so easy to make them appear to originate from other persons. I like ARP jokes, because it's so easy to make them appear to originate from other persons.
 +</code> 
 +<code>
 How do you catch an Ether bunny? With an Ethernet. How do you catch an Ether bunny? With an Ethernet.
  
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 HTTP 200 jokes are only OK. HTTP 200 jokes are only OK.
  
-The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL? 
  
 What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist. What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
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 The worst thing about protocol jokes is the ridiculous TTL. The worst thing about protocol jokes is the ridiculous TTL.
  
-I’d tell you the one about the CIDR block, but you’re too classy.+I'd tell you the one about the CIDR block, but you're too classy.
  
 After dropping the packet the IP said it was my best effort. After dropping the packet the IP said it was my best effort.
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 I have told IPv4 joke 254 times. Then it stopped being funny. I have told IPv4 joke 254 times. Then it stopped being funny.
- +</code> 
-I have told IPv4 joke to my friend. He checked checksum and had best effort laugh. +<code>
 I have tried to tell you IPv4 joke, but you were unreachable. I have tried to tell you IPv4 joke, but you were unreachable.
  
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 RFC1918 jokes are best told in private. RFC1918 jokes are best told in private.
  
-Dude 1 : Hey, did you watch that new movie called â€˜IP Address’? Dude 2: Which one, original or spoof?+Dude 1 : Hey, did you watch that new movie called "IP Address"? Dude 2: Which one, original or spoof?
  
 The bad thing about IPv6 jokes is that nobody wants to tell them first. The bad thing about IPv6 jokes is that nobody wants to tell them first.
- 
-The best part about IPv6 jokes is that you don’t have to make up the punchline for 15 years. 
  
 The great thing about Teredo jokes is that you can tell smart jokes even when surrounded by dumb peers. The great thing about Teredo jokes is that you can tell smart jokes even when surrounded by dumb peers.
- 
-The problem with IPv6 jokes is they’re long, obscure and no one gets them without a translation. 
  
 I know a great IPv6 joke, but I just don't think you're ready for it. I know a great IPv6 joke, but I just don't think you're ready for it.
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 If you run IPv6 then you're a c001:d00d. If you run IPv6 then you're a c001:d00d.
  
-IPv4 is soon dead:beef.+IPv4 is soon dead::beef.
  
 Sometimes I feel like a multicast packet. Ask 10 different people how to get somewhere and get 10 different answers. Sometimes I feel like a multicast packet. Ask 10 different people how to get somewhere and get 10 different answers.
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 Multicast jokes are good, but you can only get them if you bother to listen. Multicast jokes are good, but you can only get them if you bother to listen.
  
-I made an NTP joke once. The timing was perfect.+I made an NTP joke once. The timing was perfect. 
  
-The trick of telling a good NTP joke is about the timing…+Or... 
 + 
 +The trick of telling a good NTP joke is about the timing. 
 +</code> 
 +<code>
 The great thing about QoS jokes is that you may never know how much attention you are getting. The great thing about QoS jokes is that you may never know how much attention you are getting.
-I’m getting the license plate DSCP EF so I don’t get policed when I’m inside my CAR.+ 
 +I'm getting the license plate DSCP EF so I don't get policed when I'm inside my CAR. 
 I tried telling a joke, but the better jokes was being prioritized. I tried telling a joke, but the better jokes was being prioritized.
-Is “smoke signal” a routable protocol? +</code> 
-I’d like to tell you the full joke about a BGP table but I don’t think you can remember it all. +<code> 
-The best thing about RIP jokes is that they’re funny 15 more times. +I'd like to tell you the full joke about a BGP table but I don't think you can remember it all. 
-The strange thing about BGP jokes is that they’re borderline funny but everybody repeats them anyway. + 
-Q. What did the OSPF router say to the other OSPF router ? A. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.+The best thing about RIP jokes is that they're funny 15 more times. 
 + 
 +The strange thing about BGP jokes is that they're borderline funny but everybody repeats them anyway. 
 Five routers walk into a bar. Who gets the car keys? The Designated Router. Five routers walk into a bar. Who gets the car keys? The Designated Router.
 +
 Is IS-IS = 0 ? Is IS-IS = 0 ?
 +
 People who tell routing jokes always exceed their time-to-live. People who tell routing jokes always exceed their time-to-live.
-My new OSPF neighbor told me all his jokes after we said hello to each other. Then he tells me the whole database of jokes every 30 minutes.+ 
 +My new OSPF neighbor told me all his jokes after we said hello to each other. Then he tells me the whole database of jokes again every 30 minutes. 
 I keep telling him all my RIP jokes, but he is passive about it. I keep telling him all my RIP jokes, but he is passive about it.
 +
 I was asking all my neighbors for an EIGRP joke. Didn’t receive all replies, so I am stuck in active. I was asking all my neighbors for an EIGRP joke. Didn’t receive all replies, so I am stuck in active.
 +
 Son, If I fail to route jokes to this destination, I want you to be my feasible successor. You have good distance. Son, If I fail to route jokes to this destination, I want you to be my feasible successor. You have good distance.
 +
 I told EIGRP all my OSPF jokes. EIGRP said that they are infinite. I told EIGRP all my OSPF jokes. EIGRP said that they are infinite.
 +
 I would tell a BGP joke, but everyone probably already knows it. I would tell a BGP joke, but everyone probably already knows it.
 +
 The great thing about BGP jokes? Anyone can claim they are their own, all you can do is hope your neighbours like them. The great thing about BGP jokes? Anyone can claim they are their own, all you can do is hope your neighbours like them.
 +
 I just heard 300.000 BGP jokes. I just heard 300.000 BGP jokes.
 +
 I was arguing with my neighbor about who will tell great new BGP joke. I was locally more preferred joke teller, but didn’t want to compete with his weight. I was arguing with my neighbor about who will tell great new BGP joke. I was locally more preferred joke teller, but didn’t want to compete with his weight.
 +
 Game Lemmings is like static routing. If improperly configured, you loose Lemmings. Game Lemmings is like static routing. If improperly configured, you loose Lemmings.
-A BGP packet walks into a bar. He rudely interrupts anyone talking to him, and says, â€œI only talk to my neighbors”.+ 
 +A BGP packet walks into a bar. He rudely interrupts anyone talking to him, and says, I only talk to my neighbors. 
 SSH 1.33 and/or 1.5 protocol jokes are useless. SSH 1.33 and/or 1.5 protocol jokes are useless.
-I heard a great one about IPSEC, but you wouldn’t get it â€” it’s an inside joke.+ 
 +I heard a great one about IPSEC, but you wouldn't get it, it's an inside joke. 
 There are no good DH jokes because nobody agrees on the same prime. There are no good DH jokes because nobody agrees on the same prime.
 +</code>
 +<code>
 The problem with a cryptography joke is that you need to tell a pair of them before anyone understand what’s being said. The problem with a cryptography joke is that you need to tell a pair of them before anyone understand what’s being said.
-Why are ASAs so noisy? They don’t know how to ssh. + 
-He said he was open to networking, but when we met up, he didn’t make a PEAP.+Why are ASAs so noisy? They don't know how to ssh. 
 + 
 +He said he was open to networking, but when we met up, he didn't make a PEAP. 
 The great thing about HTTP Upgrade jokes is… wait, someone might be listening, come closer add I’ll whisper. The great thing about HTTP Upgrade jokes is… wait, someone might be listening, come closer add I’ll whisper.
 +
 The great thing about TLS jokes is that you can tell if it’s not original. The great thing about TLS jokes is that you can tell if it’s not original.
 +
 The problem with SMTP jokes are, you need some good reason to come back after greylisting and tell them again. The problem with SMTP jokes are, you need some good reason to come back after greylisting and tell them again.
 +
 SNMP walks into a bar and gets unknown object identifier. SNMP walks into a bar and gets unknown object identifier.
 +
 You need to tell a authorized POP3 joke before you can have a SMTP laugh. You need to tell a authorized POP3 joke before you can have a SMTP laugh.
 +
 Unfortunately you need MIB files to understand the best SNMP jokes. Unfortunately you need MIB files to understand the best SNMP jokes.
 +
 My name is Bond, James Bond, SNMP agent. My name is Bond, James Bond, SNMP agent.
 +
 I was going to tell an SMTP joke about Viagra, but my reputation will be devastated. I was going to tell an SMTP joke about Viagra, but my reputation will be devastated.
 +
 I was told to come undercover. So I came as SNMP agent. I was told to come undercover. So I came as SNMP agent.
-The problem with UDP jokes: I don’t get half of them. + 
-In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake. +The problem with UDP jokes: I dontt get half of them. 
-arrival order packet joke is critical to good a make +
-T he bes thin gabou tTCPfl owcontr oljokesi sthatthey knowwhento backo ff…. +
-I was promised a three way and all I got was a TCP handshake. +
-A TCP packet walks in to a bar and says "I want a beer", barman says "Do you want a beer?" and TCP packet says "yes, a beer." +
-A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it's overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in. +
-A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hang on just a second, I need to close the window."+
 I’m going to keep telling you this TCP joke until you get it. I’m going to keep telling you this TCP joke until you get it.
 +
 Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke? -Want to hear a SYN FLOOD joke?
 +
 When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don't get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs. When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don't get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.
 +
 I dressed up as a UDP packet,  I don't think anyone got it, but I couldn't tell. I dressed up as a UDP packet,  I don't think anyone got it, but I couldn't tell.
-Whats the worst thing about sending a joke in TCP? I’ll keep telling it slower and slower until you get it. +
-A UDP packet walks into a bar without a checksum. Nobody cares. +
-TCP must be religious… Why? Because it all starts with a SYN….+
 Adam and Eve where in the Garden of Eden. Snake offered apple to Eve and that was the first SYN. Adam and Eve where in the Garden of Eden. Snake offered apple to Eve and that was the first SYN.
 â€œKnock knock.” “Who’s there?” “SYN flood.” “SYN flood who?” “Knock knock.” … â€œKnock knock.” “Who’s there?” “SYN flood.” “SYN flood who?” “Knock knock.” …
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 I tweeted several IPX/SPX jokes, but they can’t reach the Internet. I tweeted several IPX/SPX jokes, but they can’t reach the Internet.
 XML jokes are well-formed XML jokes are well-formed
 +
 Open Traffic shaping: All packets are equal, but some are more equal than others. Open Traffic shaping: All packets are equal, but some are more equal than others.
 +
 CRC jokes tend to get repeated until you get them right. CRC jokes tend to get repeated until you get them right.
 +
 Serial jokes must be told bit by bit. Serial jokes must be told bit by bit.
 +
 An ICMP Redirect walks into a bar. Everybody moves next door. An ICMP Redirect walks into a bar. Everybody moves next door.
 +
 See most people talk about the OSI model as having 7 layers but they don’t mention layer 8 where a lot of the problems actually occur. See most people talk about the OSI model as having 7 layers but they don’t mention layer 8 where a lot of the problems actually occur.
-When I go to the doctor for a cold and congestion, I usually tell him I have a ton of BECN bits set on the flow of my breathing through my nose. + 
-CCIE people don’t use steering wheel in their cars. They use CLI.+When I go to the doctor for a cold and congestion, I usually tell him I have a ton of BECN bits set on the flow of  
 +my breathing through my nose. 
 + 
 +CCIE people don't use steering wheel in their cars. They use CLI. 
 CCIE people plan their trips with a route map. CCIE people plan their trips with a route map.
-My new year’s resolution is 1080p. + 
-“I had a dream.. and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!” – Futurama+My new year's resolution is 1080p. 
 + 
 +I had a dream.. and there were 1's and 0's everywhere, and I think I saw a 22– Futurama
 If you have experienced an ICMP joke, ping me. If you have experienced an ICMP joke, ping me.
 +
 We were supposed to be dressed in disguise. So I dressed as NAT. We were supposed to be dressed in disguise. So I dressed as NAT.
 +
 A packet walks into an 802.3x bar. The bartender says, “Be with you in a second.” A packet walks into an 802.3x bar. The bartender says, “Be with you in a second.”
 +
 A runt packet walks into a bar, the bartender says "You could use a byte." A runt packet walks into a bar, the bartender says "You could use a byte."
-Yo momma so big, she's got her own OSI layer between L3 and L4, because the Transport layer can't handle her.+
 I broke up with my ex girlfriend since we were incompatible at all 7 layers of the OSI stack.. From application to physical. I broke up with my ex girlfriend since we were incompatible at all 7 layers of the OSI stack.. From application to physical.
 +
 I once MPLS called my girl friend. She quickly hung up doubting my identity since I kept switching labels. I once MPLS called my girl friend. She quickly hung up doubting my identity since I kept switching labels.
 +
 Caution: Do not stare into the fiber optic laser with remaining good eye. Caution: Do not stare into the fiber optic laser with remaining good eye.
 +
 How do you get someone with a CCNA off your porch? You pay for your pizza. How do you get someone with a CCNA off your porch? You pay for your pizza.
 +
 I received a Tor joke from someone,I have no idea who they are though I received a Tor joke from someone,I have no idea who they are though
 +
 Have you secured your login properly? Yes, I have turned on CAPS LOCK. Have you secured your login properly? Yes, I have turned on CAPS LOCK.
 </code> </code>
  
ipaddressjokes.1734956991.txt.gz · Last modified: by andrew
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